No longer a theory

Lori Jefferis

Pfizer "shooting victim", Lori Jefferis

Police: Victim in Pfizer shooting lied about attack

Well, well, what a surprise!  Pfizer “shooting victim”, 45-year old Lori Jefferis, has been arrested for falsely claiming that an armed attacker shot her in the foot while at work. Police have concluded that Jefferis, in fact, shot herself after interrogating her, watching hours of surveillance tape, and processing the gun that was later found at the scene. You may remember that I suspected as much, so it comes as no surprise.  At least now we can officially breathe easier, knowing that there really isn’t some deranged gunman running around in suburban Chesterfield randomly attacking working women from behind in secure campuses to shoot them in the foot, only to drop the gun at the scene before disappearing into the woods and eluding massive, helicopter-assisted manhunts!

Moreover, it seems that I was, if anything, too generous in giving the “victim” the benefit of the doubt regarding the reason she could have shot herself in the foot.  My theory was that she was handling the gun for some reason when it accidentally discharged, hitting her in the foot.  In fact, according to the KSDK report, Jefferis has a history of telling similarly elaborate stories.  Could the shooting actually have been intentional as part of some elaborate scheme?  I’m trying to think of what possible motive could actually get me to shoot myself.  And if I were to shoot myself, would I do it in the foot?  I mean, there are bones and tendons and stuff there. I’m thinking if I had to suffer a self-inflicted gunshot would, a graze on the upper arm would probably be the least inconvenient.

Sorry, Jim – I don’t think police ever followed up on the masked-cyclist-motivated-by-shoe-envy theory.

About Ted C. MacRae

Ted C. MacRae is a research entomologist by vocation and beetle taxonomist by avocation. Areas of expertise in the latter include worldwide jewel beetles (Buprestidae) and North American longhorned beetles (Cerambycidae). More recent work has focused on North American tiger beetles (Cicindelidae) and their distribution, ecology, and conservation.
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1 Response to No longer a theory

  1. rudy says:

    Wow. Good call.

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