My anger didn’t do me much good. As quickly as it came, so it went. I got out the next day but was understandably tired from my angry ride. I limped along and told myself I just needed a little more time to get back into the swing of things. Thursday I was too swamped to ride, so I figured Friday I’d be rested and angry and ready to rock and roll. Instead I just felt flat. My plans to crush my teammates on Sunday’s BugMan ride were in trouble. Those plans were deep-sixed for sure when I showed up to find none of my usual companions, but instead one guy on a fixie and another couple guys I didn’t know too well. I guess my last post scared more than just a few nearby schoolgirls. Anyway, I decided to behave myself and focus on some constructive training – there’s just no honor in beating a guy on a fixie, and as for the other two I at least like to get to know folks before I get competitive with them.
Unfortunately, I was the only one so inclined. Jeff Foxworthy made himself famous by noticing the ways people announce themselves to be rednecks. In that spirit, I offer my own list of observations on how people make themselves look like knuckleheads on team training rides.
“You might be a knucklehead if, on a team training ride, you…”
- …pace a wheel the first part of a climb, then attack to ‘win’.
- …sit up when it’s your turn to pull through.
- …attack when it’s your turn to pull through.
- …sit up when you get caught after attacking when it was your turn to pull through.
- …draft for40 miles, then hammer while the guy who pulled 40 miles is trying to rest.
- …select a hilly group ride for your first ride on a fixed gear.
- …let two guys pull in the wind, then bolt when it’s your turn to pull.
- …attack a climb, blow halfway up, then block the left side while you sit up.
- …get in front starting a 15% descent on a fixie – and stay in the left lane!
- …with someone on your wheel, and without warning, hit your brakes approaching a stop sign with no traffic.
- …ride on the front when you don’t know the route.
- …ride off the front when you don’t know the route.
- …argue about how good equipment is that you’ve never ridden.
- …make a move in traffic that scares others, no matter how safe you thought it was… oops, that was me (sorry, Jose).
Thank goodness we eventually hooked up with Jose and Ryan – I needed witnesses! To the rest of the BugMan Ride regulars – PLEASE COME BACK!