You might be a knucklhead if…

My anger didn’t do me much good. As quickly as it came, so it went. I got out the next day but was understandably tired from my angry ride. I limped along and told myself I just needed a little more time to get back into the swing of things. Thursday I was too swamped to ride, so I figured Friday I’d be rested and angry and ready to rock and roll. Instead I just felt flat. My plans to crush my teammates on Sunday’s BugMan ride were in trouble. Those plans were deep-sixed for sure when I showed up to find none of my usual companions, but instead one guy on a fixie and another couple guys I didn’t know too well. I guess my last post scared more than just a few nearby schoolgirls. Anyway, I decided to behave myself and focus on some constructive training – there’s just no honor in beating a guy on a fixie, and as for the other two I at least like to get to know folks before I get competitive with them.

Unfortunately, I was the only one so inclined. Jeff Foxworthy made himself famous by noticing the ways people announce themselves to be rednecks. In that spirit, I offer my own list of observations on how people make themselves look like knuckleheads on team training rides.

“You might be a knucklehead if, on a team training ride, you…”

  • …pace a wheel the first part of a climb, then attack to ‘win’.
  • …sit up when it’s your turn to pull through.
  • …attack when it’s your turn to pull through.
  • …sit up when you get caught after attacking when it was your turn to pull through.
  • …draft for40 miles, then hammer while the guy who pulled 40 miles is trying to rest.
  • …select a hilly group ride for your first ride on a fixed gear.
  • …let two guys pull in the wind, then bolt when it’s your turn to pull.
  • …attack a climb, blow halfway up, then block the left side while you sit up.
  • …get in front starting a 15% descent on a fixie – and stay in the left lane!
  • …with someone on your wheel, and without warning, hit your brakes approaching a stop sign with no traffic.
  • …ride on the front when you don’t know the route.
  • …ride off the front when you don’t know the route.
  • …argue about how good equipment is that you’ve never ridden.
  • …make a move in traffic that scares others, no matter how safe you thought it was… oops, that was me (sorry, Jose).

Thank goodness we eventually hooked up with Jose and Ryan – I needed witnesses! To the rest of the BugMan Ride regulars – PLEASE COME BACK!

About Ted C. MacRae

Ted C. MacRae is a research entomologist by vocation and beetle taxonomist by avocation. Areas of expertise in the latter include worldwide jewel beetles (Buprestidae) and North American longhorned beetles (Cerambycidae). More recent work has focused on North American tiger beetles (Cicindelidae) and their distribution, ecology, and conservation.
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